Category: <span>Stress</span>

How Can We Move Gracefully Through the Constant Barrage of Negativity?

Something is in the “ether” or collective consciousness right now that is dark and heavy. Have you noticed that there haven’t been many comedies coming out in movies or TV shows, but there do seem to be a plethora of true crime, murder, and horror flicks or documentaries about cults or serial killers, etc? Sure, there may be plenty of “fluff” like “reality” shows, but even those tend to be petty, competitive, and bring out the immature, ego-aspects in folks rather than their light. We’re cutting each other down, tearing each other a part for not saying things perfectly or even just due to a misunderstanding or misinterpretation, giving no room for variation or grace for imperfection. I’m tired of it. We’re all victims of it, and I think we may all be perpetrators, as well, although take that as it may or may not fit (which means, leave it if it doesn’t fit).

I left the field of cancer research due to the severe cut-throat attitude and competitive behavior of scientists at professional conferences and in peer review. It’s not that I cannot handle constructive criticism, but it is the feeling that it’s really a game of “one-up-man-ship”, and not necessarily about honing in the science, itself. The other aspect that I couldn’t deal with was the sexism/genderism. As a non-cis man or a beautiful feminine woman, I felt invisible and ignored. I could have a great idea, and if it came out of my mouth it was nothing, but the same idea out of a man’s mouth or even a beautiful woman’s mouth was noticed. To be fair, beautiful women are not entirely heard, either, but they are given a moment as a stepping stone of sexualization. They’re either sexualized or maternalized, or, most-frequently, both. They’re given that moment as if to be heard, but it’s not out of genuine respect. It’s a means to an end – to either be a sexual fantasy for the men in charge or for those men to be mothered and cared for when they got drunk at a work-social gathering, which was not infrequent. The women did all this work while the men got the credit. But those of us who don’t fit in either category are just little freaks of nothingness, as if we don’t exist. Of course there are exceptions, and that could to be due to extraordinary skill and talent, but mostly due to fighting and fighting and fighting to be seen and heard. I didn’t have it in me to fight for a career that I enjoyed, sure, but wasn’t entirely in love with to the core of me, for which I might’ve fought. To be fair, I’m not sure there’s any one thing for which I would fight that hard – maybe for the people that I love, but that’s an entirely different scenario altogether.

In any case, there’s always something that someone is going to complain about, indeed. It’s just hard when you work hard on something, you care about it, and you think it’s probably pretty good, and yet the only feedback you get is a negative comment. Somehow someone found something to pick at and they decided to pick at it. It’s probable that they’re already in a tough place, themselves, feeling that negativity prior to even seeing or reading what I presented, but then my work became their target of irritation, and they expressed it to me. At that moment, I feel defensive and like I want to attack back. But…luckily, I have gotten better at taking a moment to wait for that reaction. I’m not 100% always good at taking that time, though, but for those moments when I can…I am incredibly grateful.

Not to be a self-horn-tooter, but I do think I can attribute this ability to pause and take a moment, extending that time between stimulus and response, at least in part, to all the neurofeedback training on myself that I have done over the past decade. Other things that have helped have been incorporating a daily meditation practice as well as a daily qigong practice, regular exercise, a lower inflammatory diet, and now I’ve been able to completely go off of my prescription psychotropic meds by microdosing psilocybin (which is not a solution for everybody, but it is almost miraculous for many). I have also recently incorporated neurostimulation (i.e., TDCS), which I also think is a game-changer for those of us with depression, and particularly suicidal ideation.

Another thing that has helped me since my separation and divorce is being careful about what kind of media that I consume. At the start, that really was just about not watching true crime murder anymore. I used to be a true crime murder junkie, watching and listening to lots of Dateline and 48 hours types of programs daily. Someone recommended that I not do that if I want to help my mood, and to actually consider uplifting, maybe even self-help and spiritual types of media, so I reluctantly tried it because I was having trouble stabilizing my downward spiral. In any case, I found that it did help keep me from spiraling too much. Right now, with all the political terrorization all over the news, it’s a lot harder to not consume any negative, dark, and heavy media unless you turn it all off (which I have done very recently due to it giving me panic attacks). This is hard to reconcile with the desire to stay informed, but I think we all need to care for our mental health ahead of that desire. I do believe that we need to be informed, but we may need to do it in very careful, small chunks, that are spread out such that it’s not this constant barrage of negativity. The constant barrage is not only detrimental to our own mental health, but the ripple effect of it is that it will then likely lead to us continuing to perpetuate it onto others, which then hurts other people’s mental wellbeing. Taking care of ourselves is another way to indirectly take care of other people.

Ideally, we can move away from this constant barrage of negativity that can be self-perpetuating, and instead go in the opposite direction of spreading love and joy and positivity. Now, of course, you cannot be in a constant state of positivity, but I do believe that we can all reach serenity at any point in time if we want it, but it does take work and practice, which eventually gets easier and feels less like work with more practice. Then there will still be days when we’re just feeling heavy and dark…and those days are great for resting. But the more we can tap into that serenity, the more we can spread that love and joy just by being. We could compliment someone or even just smile at someone – yes, that could spread it – but you really don’t need to do anything at all because we all have access to it at all times. To continue the perpetration of negativity, one must participate in it. To end the propagation of negativity, all we need to worry about is our own, personal peace and serenity. This takes lots of practice, a practice that will never end in perfection, but, if continued, progress is inevitable.

Sex Differences in Response to and Recovery from Stress

One of my favorite Radiolab episodes was from Season 2, episode 4, and is called Where Am I?” [All of the best episodes are from their first few seasons, in my opinion. In more recent years – since 2008 or so – the episodes have been less science-y and more storytelling with only a very slim scientific connection. Maybe it’s more enjoyable for the lay public, but it’s pretty sad to me because, although I love storytelling podcasts, I miss those big questions that Radiolab used to tackle. Now it’s just another This American Life, but not as good as This American Life.]

Between 6:00 – 9:00 min into the episode is a segment about how we feel ourselves on the inside (called interoception) and how that helps us define our emotions. One theory, in fact, is that all emotions are really interpretations of our visceral senses, which are the inner senses of our body, signaled to our brain via the cranial nerves, particularly the vagus nerve (aka cranial nerve ten/CN X), as first postulated by William James and called the James-Lange Theory of emotions. After that, around 9:00 – 14:00 into the episode, is a mini dramatic sequence where Robert Krulwich argues with his wife on the phone, then they appear to resolve it, but then just moments later his wife continues the argument. After this there is a discussion with Stanford researcher, Robert Sapolsky, about the gender (although it’s more appropriate to say ‘sex’ because ‘gender’ is a social construct and does not depend on your sex hormones) differences in recover from stress (or, really, the autonomic nervous system – ANS). His research has shown that for both men and women, the ANS is activated at similar speeds or kinetics. However, the deactivation or resolution of the ANS is much slower in women than in men, which comes across as men “letting go” more quickly and women seeming to hold on to the same emotions for longer.

The autonomic nervous system, or ANS, is called such because we have no voluntary control over it, or so they say. The truth is that we can learn a certain amount of control over it, just like how we learn to hold our bladders until we can get to a toilet to relieve ourselves. For simplicity’s sake, however, we say that we have no voluntary control over it because, to a large extent, we do not. As you may recall, there are two branches of the ANS: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The SNS is responsible for the “fight-or-flight” response to threats, while the PNS is responsible for the recovery and relaxation, energy reserving phase after the “fight-or-flight” phase. In general, we aim to spend most of our time in between these two states of being, erring on the side of the more calming, PNS state. Most, if not all, therapies for anything having to do with the body aim to help the subject get into and stay in the PNS state, including neurofeedback, but also acupuncture, massage, psychotherapy, hypnosis (an even deeper state), etc. When you’re in the SNS, you’re unable to do anything but survive. The primary issue is when you get stuck in a SNS-dominant state and cannot move out of it into a more PNS-dominant state. What Dr. Sapolsky’s research indicates is that women’s bodies take longer to exit the SNS-dominant state due to differences in the breakdown of the factors (hormones, etc.) involved in the activated state, so they feel like they’re still upset even after the appearance of resolution. This is why men and women tend to have different timelines in their arguments, while men “get over it” more quickly than women.

There are more implications of this research than just differences in the way men and women resolve their arguments. Many of the implications are physical (such as heart rate, blood pressure, and metabolism) – stress is more physically damaging to women than to men, and these differences vary within the women’s menstrual cycle and depend on the level of circulating estrogen (which causes this increased reactivity along the hypothalamus-pituitary axis [HPA]). Of course, this suggests that women lose out when compared to men in response to stress; however, there is another aspect to the sex differences in stress responses that demonstrates why women do not exit the stress response as quickly as men: it’s because women tend to respond to stress in a nurturing, relationship-building manner – what is called tend-and-befriend” (as opposed to “fight-or-flight”). The fight-or-flight response in men makes sense as a very high adrenaline response, which would deplete the man’s energetic resources fairly quickly, thus necessitating a quick resolution of the response. However, the tend-and-befriend response is less energetically taxing to the woman’s body and may even require a longer period to execute properly (it takes longer to build relationships than to destroy them), thus extending the response time until its resolution.

Whenever one talks about sex differences where the words “gender” and “sex” are intermixed (due to a fundamental misunderstanding of their different meanings) there is a lot of miscommunication that can occur. Again, to clarify, we’re talking about sex hormones driving the difference in the time it takes to break-down or metabolize the endocrine factors (neurotransmitters, hormones, etc.) that are involved in the sympathetic nervous system.

Finally, it occurred to me recently after another failed attempt at dating that the initial feelings of romantic or sexual attraction feels a lot like the fight-or-flight response (including the “freeze” variation), which suggests that it is driven by the sympathetic nervous system. It’s definitely automatic, since it’s not voluntary! Then I looked up on Pubmed (database of primary bio-medical publications) and found that, indeed, the sympathetic nervous system is activated during romantic and sexual attraction – in women! Apparently, erections in men are driven by the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), while the orgasm is driven by the SNS. In any case, following the logic of this blog, we finally have a physiological explanation for why women tend to have a harder time getting over break-ups than men do! (And I have an especially hard time, but that’s another story altogether!)

So hetero women out there: it’s perfectly natural that you are holding on to the relationship for longer than he is – it’s your biology. However, don’t expect him to understand, that’s his biology. Womp womp. It probably also explains why lesbians tend to stay friends with their exes (of course, this is mostly not the case for me, but I do see it a lot with my friends).

Lastly, neurofeedback does help reduce the half-life of the ANS for those of us who feel like we have extra-long half-lives. I have personally witnessed this in myself after doing many sessions of neurofeedback; I can “let go” much more easily than I ever had been able to in the past. No combination of medications or talk therapy has ever gotten me even close to feeling more able to “let go”, but I did learn a lot of better coping techniques so I wouldn’t behave regrettably when it took me longer to “let go”. Now I don’t even need to use those coping techniques nearly as much since I don’t even feel it as badly – I feel like I can naturally move on sooner, and that honestly feels like a miracle! Come in and find your own miracle if you’ve experienced similar difficulties!

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